Politics of the Galaxy

A long time ago,  in a cubicle far far away......... ELECTION WARS

if i wasn't stuck at the office on this fine morning,  i would probably be listening to my 1979 copy of the original star wars movie soundtrack on vinyl while writing this entry... why?  because that's just how i roll.

Today i started my morning like i do every morning at the office,  sipping my coffee and browsing the F-Book for a few choice statuses to make some kind of silly comment on for my own mild amusement.  Today i stumbled across the status of a good friend of mine, the Karate Kid....  She frequently likes to post snippets of her conversations with her mum,  which are usually highly quotable. In fact,  so quotable that she has her own blog dedicated to her mom's quotes.

This was today's entry.

"My mom's reason to vote for Harper: "He likes the Beatles!" So did Charles Manson, mom."

So i was thinking about it and then i replied with a huge star wars political anaolgy that i thought i should share. 

my preambles are always disjointed.... deal with it

If we were to compare the canadian political spectrum to the Star Wars galaxy,  how would it play out?  Keep in mind that i am a card carying liberal,  so pardon my bias,  but this should prove to be hilarious non the less.

Stephen Harper-  Now ill get it out in the air...  this guy is a douche,  i have never trusted him,  never liked him,  and every time i see his face i picture Preston Manning sitting at the controls of a giant Harper-bot.  Based on his record of sweater vests,  stomping down dissent and proroguing parliament,  Harper earns the title of Senator Palpatine aka.  The Emperor...

His lust for power will never cease and his storm troopers are quickly converting 24 sussex drive into his own personal Death Star (i have even heard he sold the prime ministerial limousine in favor of his own Tiderium Shuttle).  The proposed new jet purchase proposed by the Harper government is nothing more than a shell bid to buy a bunch of galactic star destroyers.

Michael Ignatief - Frankly,  i like the guy,  he may not be the most charismatic (i dont even thing a 2 year old would attach that word to iggy in a word association game),  but i generally believe he has the best of intentions.  I think Iggy is more of an Obi-Wan Kenobi kind of character.  Old Ben-Iggy,  wise in his ways after years of lonely solitude on the Harvard Campus off world on Tatooine,  is just the person to lead the charge against the evil galactic empire.  I will conceed that Iggy probably grew up more like this guy,  but he does represent the values i find the most appealing.  A happy balance between fiscal realism and Socialist ideals.

Lets move on to some of the more fun characters in my galactic empire.....

Jack Layton - Wouldn't this guy make a great bobble head?  As great of a public speaker as he may be,  he still heads up a party with 0% chance of ever sitting on the other side of the imperial senate floor....   He reminds me of Lobot,  the chief administrator aid to Lando Calrussian,  administrator of Cloud City.  (without that awesome mustache of course).  Here is my logic,  he is the day to day manager of a city in the clouds,  which in my centrist opinion,  is kind of like the political ideals of the NDP...  in the clouds....  There is also the fact that in the grand scheme of things he is a minor character in both politics and the intergalactic saga that was star wars.  Now dont get me wrong,  i find Jack very entertaining.... he just isn't going to be doing much besides trick or treating outside 24 Sussex Dr any time in my lifetime....

Gilles Duceppe - Now this guy really cracks me up....  during the last elections leaders debates he iconically said on air "Im positive that 4 people at this table will not be Prime Minister next week.  Im positive i am one of them, *points at May and Layton*  and im positive that you two wont be either".  come on,  that man has balls.  But he is also totally irrelevant to federal politics as the head of the only provincial party in existence.  Plus he is tall and skinny....  and he looks like he would be an awesome bounty hunter....  Therefore... Duceppe is now BOBA FETT!

As awesome and hilarious as this man is,  if he were to disappear from either Star Wars,  or politics,  it really wouldn't change anything.  Other character traits of note are that both Duceppe and Boba Fett are inherently self serving individuals,  they don't care about the overall picture (galactic empire, Canada) and as long as they get paid,  they play by the rules.

Finally,  to the last of the furious 5  (i consider Cretien to be Grand Master Flash,  since he made me laugh harder than any politician in history.... his basterdization of the english and french languages was amazing,  comedic gold....)

Elizabeth May - apart from her abhorrent french,  she seems nice,  but alas she is another irrelevant leader in Canada's political stalemate.  Therefore she is an Ewok.  This cute little woodland creature,  lives a primitive existence on their own isolated planet of Endor.   While the Ewok represents the most environmentally concious group of sentient beings,  they also fail at making any impact at all in the galactic empire (beyond throwing rocks and twigs at the imperial storm troopers).  The Ewoks also never really were given names in the Return of the Jedi......  Kinda like how Elizabeth May didnt get a seat in parliament during the 08 election....  he he he he he

Now to all my politically savvy readers....  this is not intended to poke fun of your political leanings (unless you vote block  or conservative,  in which case i am poking fun at you directly and indiscriminately).  I am merely trying to have fun with what will inevitably be another useless waste of tax dollars on an un-wanted,  un-needed election that will end in yet another minority government let unfortunately by the sith lord.  (in the event that sweater vest gets a majority,  im moving)

The original version on facebook was much shorter and with less pictures,  but i figured i might as well do the idea justice...

That's all for today folks.... may the force be with you.