When you are this awesome, you have your own soundsystem

Well more specifically, you design your own soundsystem to convey your awesomeness to the audience, and in some cases render them deaf.

This is what Lemon D and Dillinja did. The reasoning? from their own interviews, they attribute the need for their creation to the fact that modern loudspeakers do not posess the capability to replicate the deep sub base frequencies commonly used in drum n bass and jungle production. It was this reason that motivated them to create one of the most scary, increadible and truly bad ass things of all time, The Valve....

What is the Valve? its a soundsystem designed by UK Dj's Lemon D and Dillinja and is loosely modeled after the old jamaican sound systems of the 60's and 70's that brought around the advent of reggae and dub music. The system itself features scooped bass bins and valve amplifiers. Valve vaccum tube amplifiers have a distinct rounded soft and full rich characteristic that you cannot replicate with modern tranistor amplifiers.

Now two low speed bass drivers and a nice amplifier can produce gorgeous lows in your home or studio... what dillinja and lemon D did was inject it with human growth hormone and steroids thus creating the valve sound system.....

Lets put it this way..... if you want to move the system around.... you need 3 full sized transport trucks, two massive 12 foot by 20 foot stacks of scooped sub bass bins, low bass bins, mid bass bins, high bass bins, mid range and tweeters. 75,000 watts of amplification, and the only sound system in the world that requires you to wear ear plugs...

for a taste, here is a test of the system... well only 8 of the speakers...... and they set off car alarms..


a quick documentary on the valve.

Musical Pet Peve of the day - Dubstep

Attention Hipsters and other such D-Bags......  your new found obsession "Dubstep"  is not cutting edge,  new or original.....  Its merely an older,  more awesome and more innovative form of music,  slowed down so your feeble brains can comprehend it....

Specifically its a shittier form of Jungle,  which in itself is a shittier form of Drum and Bass,  which in itself boils down to this....



That ladies and gentlemen is the Amen Break,  probably the most influential 5 seconds in music history brought to us by a group almost no one remembers from a song that almost no one has heard....  yet i guarantee everyone has heard that 5 second drum solo.  It comes to us from teh B-Side of a 1969 Single "Color him Father" by the Winstons.  This little 5 second drum fill was cut, sliced and sampled by thousands of artists after them.  listen to the intro to NWA's "straigh outa compton"  its there,  Public Enemy's "fight the power", its there too.  Other genres have used this sample as well (outside of the jungle / dnb genres)  Oasis,  the Prodigy, Nine inch Nail and linkin park are just a few.  While some genres sampled the loop in its original form (NWA, Public Enemy)  other acts have sampled each individual drum voice and re cut the beat into different pattens (Dillinja, Lemon D, The KLF). 

Back to my original point, Dubstep is nothing but Jungle (or debatably even Ragga) slowed down to a tempo so painfully slow, that i could draw a parallel to listening to burt bacharach on half speed. Im all for innovation but dropping the tempo down by 60%  doesnt constitute innovation.  Its just lazy production from the new generation of lazy producers....  Deadmau5, Skrillex and MSTRKRFT (which i actually do like alot,  but i fully admit to them being cookie cutter copypasters) are perfect examples of everything that is wrong with this new wave of "electronica artists".  Point in case, Listen to one Deadmau5 track,  thats all you have to do,  because everything else he has produced sounds exactly the same,  not just a signature synth,  or signature kick drum or something mundane like that....  the exact same synths,  the exact same baselines, the exact same bloody percussion....  its just total garbage...  Deadmau5 doesnt need another US frat party boy getting a mouse head tatoo,  he needs a propper music theory lesson followed by about 6000 trips to a good cosmetic dentist!

Deadmau5 has done for Electro house what America did for Iraq......  violated it,  and left it for dead in some grubby ditch along the interstate....

Ill leave you with some propper Jungle,  just to illustrate my point.... This stuff came from a time when being dirty wasn't an option,  it was a requirement

First up,  the great Aphrodite,  The tarzan of jungle,  so fresh he just swang in on the vine this morning mate.






The one and only - Dillinja (pay no mind to the MC.....  they really are the only thing wrong with Jungle/DnB)  One of the only two artists who can actually claim that they produced sounds so dirty that they had to design their own custom sound system to listen to it....  (a post elaborating on this point will be made soon)




Dj Krust - Warhead  (one of the great floor shakers of the 90's)


Finally,  in my opinion (which is better than yours), the greatest jungle track of all time....  thats right,  its Aphrodite - Superman Theme
This track has seriously re-arranged the brain cells of just about every junglist out there, Its so dirty that even charlie sheen wouldnt touch it!




One more....  just to throw some fresh canadian talent into the mix, because DnB isnt just a british invasion thing,  I give you Toronto's own Freaky Flow and his remix of the theme from peanuts.....  this is Linus and Lucy,  if they were funky, fresh and fly

Elections, Debates and all that jazz......

I was actively debating a buddy of mine over facebook today,  mainly to get him wound up about his beloved green party so i can make fun of him  but the debate turned to the "first past the post" system (or Plurality voting system for those who like to use the proper terminology)  vs the "proportional representation" model.  I would like to point out that i fully understand both sides of this argument, but i wholly dismiss proportional representation based on the fact that it is, for lack of a better term,  stupid.

I suppose i should explain myself.  First of all,  proportional representation tends to be a model supported by the fringe party supporters... (green party, marxist-leninist  etc etc) mainly due to the fact that it would increase their chances of actually winning a seat by combining the small pockets of supporters nationwide into one voting block.  My problem is that this system would effectively remove direct local representation from our parliamentary format.  If i have a personal issue with a law, pending legislation, regulation etc,  i can visit my local MP's office or send my local MP a letter/email and request that he look into my concerns or take up the issue in parliament.  I can do this because my local riding elects a representative who best represents the political ideology of the people in that riding.  If we were to change to a proportional representation system,  the seats of the house of commons would be split based on the percentage of the popular vote obtained by each party.  but what party would represent my region?  Democracy is not meant to be some kind of utopian ideal,  it is a balance of interests.  The political leanings of the country tend to very greatly based on geographic location,  this is why it is important to have local representation.

While i agree that a party like the Green party has loyal supporters across the country,  unless you have a local riding where the majority of voters support your party,  you don't deserve a seat.  The bloq quebecois wasnt given a free ride into parliament,  they did it the old fashioned way,  they won seats in local ridings which gave them seats in the house.  Numerous partys have formed over the years and have gained seats in the house the old fashioned way.  The reform party and the Canadian alliance are just two examples (mind you they were both full of idiots).  The Green party has to take the same route to legitimacy and I do hope Elizabeth May finds a riding that will elect her someday,  she has tried 3 already........

I guess my overall message to the supporters of proportional representation........  if you are no good at a sport,  changing the rules isn't the way to go about winning.  Politics isn't perfect,  nor will it ever be.  If the candidate you support in your riding doesn't win,  its not the end of the world,  it just means that they didn't appeal to the majority of the local voters.  Blaming it on the fairness of our electoral system is just sore losing. 

that's my $0.02

And Vinyly Yours.....

When i was younger (much younger)  during my major Led Head days in highschool, i had proclaimed that when i bite the bullet,  i wanted stairway to heaven blared into my casket for eternity.  I know I know,  in hindsight its one of the lamest songs to have to listen to for eternity,  christ its already 7 minutes long,  do we need to hear that on repeat....  worse yet i could have chosen inagaddadavida by iron butterfly.......  Well now i have a new option to consider,  i could have my remains cremated and pressed into 180g vinyl LP's featuring  my own sonic creations so that my friends and family could literally listen to my memory for the rest of eternity (or at least until the last turntable in existence dissapears)

This is precisely the service that and vinyly offers to its customers.  Included in the package is obviously your cremated remains in vinyl format featuring anythign from original musical recordings done by yourself or others,  spoken word, or even just silence (if your into that whole ironic hipster bullshit).  The vinyl comes in a custom designed sleve featuring original artwork and the company also offers funeral service arrangement services....(although judging from the site,  this company is run by former pill popping party kids,  not so sure my family would appreciate a UK Hard House rave wake....)

This is a neat idea that allows you to share your memory with your loved ones in the form of the only universal language,  music.  If you are a musician,  you could encapsulate your memory the way you want it to be remembered,  either a sample of your body of work,  or if you are a non musician,  a collection of songs that held some personal significance,  or a collection of songs that you hate and know will drive your friends mad for eternity.

either way its totally Win-Win!

The evolution of the Cougar

Everyone has heard about the legendary Cougar (the kind that likes to go to Maxwells on Elgin on Saturday nights).  We have all had a run in with this urban creature (some of us more than one,  or at least we know someone who has) but where do they come from,  and what do we know about their life cycle?  Men have tried for eons to understand women,  but thanks in equal part to my genius, and awesomeness,  I present to you 

THE EVOLUTION OF THE COMMON COUGAR

Not unlike the common caterpillar,  the Cougar undergoes many phases through life, each one involving unique and potentially lethal characteristics.  

Phase 1: "Domesticated household cat"  Age range 15-19

                Mostly harmless,  the domesticated household cat is a relatively tame and easy going creature.  However,  during this phase of feline development,  the household cat exhibits relatively bad taste in music, and normaly exhibits a below average maturity index and a high potential for crazy. 

Phase 2: "Lynx" Age Range 20-26

                Following the domestic house cat phase,  the lynx relishes in its new found independence and freedom.  Prowling the wilderness,  this woodland creature is free roaming and laid back. 

Phase 3: "Bobcat" Age Range 27-34

                as the years pass,  the Bobcat has become weary of the fun loving days of lynxhood  and yearns to settle down (see mantrap)…  Like Sauron,  the Bobcat voraciously seeks the ring of power (see credit card debt due to engagement ring purchases) in order to control their hapless victims.

Phase 4: "Cougar" Age Range 35-45

                The cougar has grown tired with hunting for prey in their own age range……  these woodland cats prowl in search of younger prey,  bold and territorial,  the Cougar is a natural force to be reckoned with.  They wish to re-live their Lynx phase once again,  however this time,  they mean business!

Phase 5: "Saber Toothed Tiger" Age Range 46-55

                The saber toothed tiger is a particularly dangerous variety,  hardened by years prowling the forest,  these jungle cats have clearly marked hunting grounds within urban areas (Maxwell's on Elgin)  Be very careful and make no mistake,  you cannot hunt this animal,  they hunt you!

Phase 6: "Silverback" Age range 56+

                The most dangerous and territorial of jungle creatures,  they can be frequently found at legion halls, bingo halls and random peoples stag n does……  do not approach under any circumstances!  Once you have been dragged to their lair,  escape is futile....

Discogs

Its high time i got back on topic with this.....  To any of you who are either starting their vinyl collection or have a full blown addiction,  there is a site that you should all have on your bookmark list.

Discogs.com

This site is pretty much the equivalent of the US Library of Congress when it comes to music.  They have pretty much every release by every artist/label  ever in their database.  This makes it easy to search for rare or sought after vinyl from any label or artist you may like.  It also allows you to see how the releases varied by geographic region (sometimes an LP released in Canada would have less or more tracks than the same LP released in the UK)

Most importantly (with a login)  you can add records to your wishlist or personal collection which makes cataloging your collection accuratley very simple,  especially if you are like me and have a pile of white label albums where you are not entirely sure who the artist or track title are.  you can search by the stamp imprint on the vinyl and find out what label released the sampler.

I have added a link to my discogs collection on the side bar,  keep in mind that this is not even close to complete,  i had started the list under a different account back in 2003 so i transferred those albums over to my new account but i have not yet added the 1000's of records i have accumulated since then (i think right now its sitting at a pathetic 168 albums....

I encourage you all to start looking up your LP's and find out if you have any truly rare ones.  you never know you may be pleasantly surprised.

Cheers

-The Vinyl Junkie

The Green Revolution - or Greenwash as some of us like to call it

For some people,  life at the office can be mundane,  boring and in some cases even a painful experience.  Luckily for myself,  its not the same at all.  I prefer to think of it as being in Highschool all over again.  Our conversation topic today over coffee at 10 am was  "how to get your MP to pick up your bar tab...."  really how does that come up in normal everyday conversation?  My co-worker suggested that "hitting on"  your MP was the sure fire way to get free drinks and after about fifteen minutes of endless chirping,  we changed topics to the whole green/organic/fair trade issue. 


Disclaimer:  All of my eco-friendly, vegetable eating, green-consious fair-trade oriented friends be warned... what im about to say will most likely, at the very least, mildly offend you.  But its the facts........

Why is it an issue?  BECAUSE ITS THE BIGGEST PUBLICITY STUNT SINCE THE 1960'S WHEN THE PHRASE WAS COINED.  I will do my best to break this out into some specific examples to show you why the green revolution is not only a hoax (for the most part)  but also horribly dangerous to both the economy and the health of people everywhere.

Organic Farming

This one is a real winner.  Ok so you just came home from the local famers market with all the organic foods you need to make your latest vegan creation...  but what have you exactly brought home in your eco-friendly reusable grocery tote bags (actually a good idea).  The term "organic"  may not be as indicative of the origins of your food as you may think....  The term itself is a sales brand which has different levels based on the actual product.  100% organic is the highest level meaning that at least 95% of the product is derived from "organic" methods....  which by the way are not completely free of fertilizers or pest/herbicides...  if you cheap out and go with the less expensive "organic"  term...  now your down to 70% organic  which has alot more of those horrible chemicals that you hate so much.  as you move on to "made with organic"  catagories....  well you can fill in the blanks....

on to the important part....  If you think that organic farming should be the standard practice for all agriculture....  you hate humanity....

HOLY CRAP Mark....  what a myopic view point!   but wait,  is it really?  here is a fact for you....  At our current population globally we cant even manage to feed the people we currently have on this planet (6.7 billion).  now take the global food supply from commercial agriculture and reduce it by 25%......  thats what we would have to deal with if we went to 100% organic....  Scientists dont genetically engineer crops to create a food that turns people into zombies,  or make children grow third eyes in their foreheads...  they engineer these strains of the crops to resist things like drought, disease and insects.  They also modify them to improve crop yields and planting density.  If we were to impose mandatory organic practices on farming world wide,  we would have to systematically select 25% of our population to starve to death.

But they don't advertise that on the organic produce shelves......

Green Building

This one is especially funny.  ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF WESTBORO AND THE GLEBE..  if you paid over 300k  for one of those nice swanky condo's in a LEED certified building......  i am pointing and laughing at you.  the whole "green building"  concept is a complete and utter joke.  Much like communism,  it was a great idea on paper,  but in reality it proves to be wholly unrealistic.  Once a LEED building receives its final certification,  thats where the requirements for sustainibility end.  You see, there is no requirement for the building owners or maintenance staff to actually use/maintain any of the features that gave the building its LEED certification in the first place.  I could buy your condo building and convert it into a rubber tire incinerator and still call it a LEED certified building. 

When you buy into a LEED certified building,  you are buying into a brand,  nothing more,  and a brand that usually adds about 30% to the price tag....  i hope you feel good spending an extra 90k on a 300k condo just because you think your saving the planet. 

Green Power
im going to tackle green energy in this section too,  mainly because it has become a major thorn in my side since that asshat McGuinty decided to force sustainible energy down my throat for a small fee of double the price i used to pay.

Lets look at all the ways we have to make cheap electricity that we either dont fully utilize or we utilize quite well but we allow people with the collective iq of a bag of sawdust to control and regulate on our behalf.. (im talking to you Hydro Quebec)

Hydroelectric - ok well if you ignore the whole "flooding large areas to create reservoirs"  issue,  it really doesnt get much greener than this.  elevation drop plus water = energy.  in quebec alone,  there a dozens of facilities operating on numerous basis.  to put it into perspective,  one of the generating stations (Robert Bourassa)  produces enough power to supply a country the size of belgium....  thats over 5,000 megawatts.  In fact between the James Bay development and the Manicougan reservoir in eastern quebec,  those two projects total almost 15,000 megawatts of electricity.  That is enough to power ontario twice!  This is the part that gets me,  we sell most of this power to the states for peanuts....  fractions of its market value.  Why?  because Hydro Quebec are morons.   Now in ontario,  the green police are out in force  rationalizing the 50% increase i will see on my power bill by saying that the investments in wind and solar energy are sustainible and will help ontario become a green leader.  Wrong.  it will help us become the laughing stock of the planet. 

Wind power - woo hoo,  great look we are using the naturally occuring winds to generate power...  but wait there is more....  they dont work during high winds and if you are a migratory bird,  you probably wont like it since it will most likely kill you.  oh and they are horrendously expensive....


Solar power - with a whopping 15% efficiency,  a design life of 15 years and a monster price tag,  it makes total sense that the ontario power generation is buying this green energy (generated using a material that contains more toxic chemicals than i care to list) at 80 cents per kwh  or about 100 times the going market rate...

While i agree,  we need to get away from coal and gas fired plants... but come one.... lets do this in a sustainable manner.

Every generation method has its advantages and disadvantages.  Free clean energy does not exist,  everything has an impact.  Balancing those benefits and detriments is what will create sustainable energy.... 

Eco Friendly Products

you know those nice CFL bulbs that they keep touting as the best thing for the environment?  well it does reduce the energy consumption significantly but they are still a fluorescent  meaning they still are loaded with mercury vapor....  yeah  its not that great for the environment...   We are bombarded every day with this "green" badge on just about everything we buy.  Hell BP even re branded itself with a green image.. "beyond petroleum".  I suppose its not all bad,  but i think society in general has gotten pretty lax when it comes to being informed about much of anything lately that doesnt come to you via CNN or advertisements. 

If my rant has had any point at all (which im not convinced it has) it should be this.  Before you buy something because its "organic"  or "green"  take some time and do the research.... find out why its superior to the conventional alternative before spending your hard earned money based on the "feel good"  sensation you get.  9 times out of 10 its nothing more than smart advertising.   The term "eco-conscious"  is almost synonymous with "eco-stupid"  these days mainly because people dont question or think before they buy into these stupid ideas.  This green washing phenomena is the same campaign that the big oil companies use to make themselves look like they are enviro-conscious....

In short.  be smart,  use your head, and at least try to see through the BS.

Politics of the Galaxy

A long time ago,  in a cubicle far far away......... ELECTION WARS

if i wasn't stuck at the office on this fine morning,  i would probably be listening to my 1979 copy of the original star wars movie soundtrack on vinyl while writing this entry... why?  because that's just how i roll.

Today i started my morning like i do every morning at the office,  sipping my coffee and browsing the F-Book for a few choice statuses to make some kind of silly comment on for my own mild amusement.  Today i stumbled across the status of a good friend of mine, the Karate Kid....  She frequently likes to post snippets of her conversations with her mum,  which are usually highly quotable. In fact,  so quotable that she has her own blog dedicated to her mom's quotes.

This was today's entry.

"My mom's reason to vote for Harper: "He likes the Beatles!" So did Charles Manson, mom."

So i was thinking about it and then i replied with a huge star wars political anaolgy that i thought i should share. 

my preambles are always disjointed.... deal with it

If we were to compare the canadian political spectrum to the Star Wars galaxy,  how would it play out?  Keep in mind that i am a card carying liberal,  so pardon my bias,  but this should prove to be hilarious non the less.

Stephen Harper-  Now ill get it out in the air...  this guy is a douche,  i have never trusted him,  never liked him,  and every time i see his face i picture Preston Manning sitting at the controls of a giant Harper-bot.  Based on his record of sweater vests,  stomping down dissent and proroguing parliament,  Harper earns the title of Senator Palpatine aka.  The Emperor...

His lust for power will never cease and his storm troopers are quickly converting 24 sussex drive into his own personal Death Star (i have even heard he sold the prime ministerial limousine in favor of his own Tiderium Shuttle).  The proposed new jet purchase proposed by the Harper government is nothing more than a shell bid to buy a bunch of galactic star destroyers.

Michael Ignatief - Frankly,  i like the guy,  he may not be the most charismatic (i dont even thing a 2 year old would attach that word to iggy in a word association game),  but i generally believe he has the best of intentions.  I think Iggy is more of an Obi-Wan Kenobi kind of character.  Old Ben-Iggy,  wise in his ways after years of lonely solitude on the Harvard Campus off world on Tatooine,  is just the person to lead the charge against the evil galactic empire.  I will conceed that Iggy probably grew up more like this guy,  but he does represent the values i find the most appealing.  A happy balance between fiscal realism and Socialist ideals.

Lets move on to some of the more fun characters in my galactic empire.....

Jack Layton - Wouldn't this guy make a great bobble head?  As great of a public speaker as he may be,  he still heads up a party with 0% chance of ever sitting on the other side of the imperial senate floor....   He reminds me of Lobot,  the chief administrator aid to Lando Calrussian,  administrator of Cloud City.  (without that awesome mustache of course).  Here is my logic,  he is the day to day manager of a city in the clouds,  which in my centrist opinion,  is kind of like the political ideals of the NDP...  in the clouds....  There is also the fact that in the grand scheme of things he is a minor character in both politics and the intergalactic saga that was star wars.  Now dont get me wrong,  i find Jack very entertaining.... he just isn't going to be doing much besides trick or treating outside 24 Sussex Dr any time in my lifetime....

Gilles Duceppe - Now this guy really cracks me up....  during the last elections leaders debates he iconically said on air "Im positive that 4 people at this table will not be Prime Minister next week.  Im positive i am one of them, *points at May and Layton*  and im positive that you two wont be either".  come on,  that man has balls.  But he is also totally irrelevant to federal politics as the head of the only provincial party in existence.  Plus he is tall and skinny....  and he looks like he would be an awesome bounty hunter....  Therefore... Duceppe is now BOBA FETT!

As awesome and hilarious as this man is,  if he were to disappear from either Star Wars,  or politics,  it really wouldn't change anything.  Other character traits of note are that both Duceppe and Boba Fett are inherently self serving individuals,  they don't care about the overall picture (galactic empire, Canada) and as long as they get paid,  they play by the rules.

Finally,  to the last of the furious 5  (i consider Cretien to be Grand Master Flash,  since he made me laugh harder than any politician in history.... his basterdization of the english and french languages was amazing,  comedic gold....)

Elizabeth May - apart from her abhorrent french,  she seems nice,  but alas she is another irrelevant leader in Canada's political stalemate.  Therefore she is an Ewok.  This cute little woodland creature,  lives a primitive existence on their own isolated planet of Endor.   While the Ewok represents the most environmentally concious group of sentient beings,  they also fail at making any impact at all in the galactic empire (beyond throwing rocks and twigs at the imperial storm troopers).  The Ewoks also never really were given names in the Return of the Jedi......  Kinda like how Elizabeth May didnt get a seat in parliament during the 08 election....  he he he he he

Now to all my politically savvy readers....  this is not intended to poke fun of your political leanings (unless you vote block  or conservative,  in which case i am poking fun at you directly and indiscriminately).  I am merely trying to have fun with what will inevitably be another useless waste of tax dollars on an un-wanted,  un-needed election that will end in yet another minority government let unfortunately by the sith lord.  (in the event that sweater vest gets a majority,  im moving)

The original version on facebook was much shorter and with less pictures,  but i figured i might as well do the idea justice...

That's all for today folks.... may the force be with you.